


Love Me, Shatter Me

by junmyeon31 (lecksie31)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Family, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Minor Character Death, Redemption?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27893221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lecksie31/pseuds/junmyeon31
Summary: On his best friend’s wedding day, Junmyeon met his past lover Sehun, who left him 7 years ago without a word. In the cathedral, next to him, sits his son whom Sehun knows nothing about. Junmyeon is going overseas for work and he has no one else to leave his child with. Is Sehun’s presence a work of fate or will it just be another heartbreak for waiting to unfold?
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	Love Me, Shatter Me

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this was definitely a roller coaster ride on its own but I enjoyed it though it took so much from me. I hope that you will get to read it and enjoy the story as much as I did. I had a heavy heart as I was writing this and I have to admit I kind of cried myself but I enjoyed it. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to put this out. 
> 
> This fic is made for [@myeondonut](http://twitter.com/myeondonut)

******

“Junmyeon-appa? Can I eat some cake?”, the little boy sitting next to Junmyeon asks him.

“Of course, Sejun but wait a bit more. After appa talks on the stage, I will get you some, okay?”

“Okay!”, Sejun says beaming at Junmyeon.

Junmyeon looks at his son and smiles at him. How lucky can a person be to have a child as cute and as amazing as Sejun is? Junmyeon prepares himself for the speech and closes the button of the coat that he is wearing when the door opened.

The silhouette of the person that came in was familiar to Junmyeon and he felt his heart stop for a moment.

_No, it couldn’t be. After all these years, he wouldn’t come now._

And yet, not being able to deny what was in front of his eyes, Junmyeon’s mind slowly registers what was happening. Late as always, Oh Sehun, the person who left him 7 years ago, is now walking towards him. How this could be happening is beyond him…until he connected the dots.

_Jongdae…_

This was definitely Jongdae’s fault, it couldn’t be anyone else’s. His best friend, ever the meddler has decided to find out where Sehun has been all this time and invited him. Junmyeon had a gut feeling it was Jongdae because of the conversation they had a few days before his wedding.

\--Two nights before the wedding—

“Daeeeeee, they assigned me overseas. What will I do?”, Junmyeon whines to his beloved best friend, Jongdae.

“How long will you need to stay there?”

“Three months! Where am I going to leave Sejun?”

“Oh, Junmyeon. I wish I can say Minseok and I will take him but we’d be on honeymoon for a month and then we’ll have a trip overseas too. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Dae. I just don’t know where to leave him. I wish I can take him with me but he has school and I don’t really want to take him away for a few months and leave him alone in the apartment. It’s dangerous for a young kid to be left alone home in a place where he doesn’t know anyone.”

“I agree, Junmyeon. What about…”

“What?”

“You know….his father.”

“I am his father, Jongdae.”, Jongdae flinched when Junmyeon called him by his name as he only does this when he is serious.

“His other father then.”

“I don’t even know where he is, he left 7 years ago, Jongdae, he won’t suddenly pop out of nowhere.”

“I wonder about that.”

“What?”

“I think he has the right to know about Sejun.”

“With the way he left me all those years ago? I won’t set my son up for disappointment if he doesn’t want him. Also, he’s not around, we both know that.”

“Okay, but think about it, Junmyeon. I’ve been telling you for a while that eventually, he’ll have to know about all of it.”

\---------

Junmyeon fidgeted a bit on his seat, he was not really ready for this. He wonders if Sehun recognizes him, the man he left years ago, does Sehun still feel anything for him? Did he suffer as much as he did back then? Did he think of Junmyeon every day as much as Junmyeon has thought of him? As Sehun got closer to where Junmyeon is, Junmyeon tries to soak in how Sehun looks now. He looks so much different from the last time he remembers him.

The first thing that Junmyeon noticed was how Sehun’s scent filled the air, that light, and fresh scent. Then he noticed that Sehun’s hair is shorter now, a clean-cut that showcased his jawline even better. The years have done him some good, aged him in a good way that he looked so much manlier now, the scar on his right cheek being more visible, something that Junmyeon has always loved about his face. And those beautiful eyebrows, still as thick and as expressive as ever as Sehun’s eyes saw the child sitting beside Junmyeon. Sehun’s face was painted with a clearly shocked expression and Junmyeon knew exactly what the reason for this was. And then the shock turns into confusion when he saw that someone was sitting next to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon had no time to deal with all this and his brain is still trying to catch up that Sehun has decided to show up today, of all days. Years of not seeing him, not even a strand of his hair and suddenly, here he was. Junmyeon looked the other way when he met Sehun’s eyes and then after a few beats, his name was called and he patted his son’s shoulder before he went up.

“Ah, to be honest, I still can’t believe that my best friend, Jongdae has gotten married today. Well, actually, it’s not that I can’t believe that he got married to Minseok but rather, I am surprised that he just got married today because ever since the start, the two of them has always seemed like a married couple.”, Junmyeon chuckled and the audience laughed. Junmyeon tried his best not to look in Sehun’s direction even though he can feel his gaze on him.

“I am telling the truth, I still remember the first time that Jongdae has met him. I remember how Jongdae told me that night that he has found the one. And as cheesy as that sounded, when I saw how they were together, I believed him. Minseok has been the one for him ever since day one. When they finally became a couple? I swear I have never seen two people fit each other so perfectly the way that they did. And just like that, Minseok has become a close friend to me too. They were always together, it was always Jongdae and Minseok and of course, I felt a little jealous because it used to be Jongdae and Junmyeon. We have been the two J’s and suddenly an M comes in. But when I saw how much Minseok treasured my best friend? And when I saw how much he cared for Jongdae? I was a witness to the problems that they have encountered and Minseok never once left Jongdae’s side.”, Junmyeon felt a little bitter while saying that as the person who left him was right there looking at him.

“And for that, I have respected and loved Minseok like my own brother as Jongdae is the brother I never had. And now that you are married, now that it’s official, all I wish for you is that you stay by each other’s side. Never let anyone or anything get in the way of your relationship. I will always be here for the two of you. Congratulations to the newlywed. Let’s raise our glasses to them.”, Junmyeon held the glass that was handed to him up and raised a toast for his friends.

Junmyeon felt like tearing up, his heart felt heavy. He was happy for his friends but with Sehun in the room, everything changed. Is he ready to talk to him and tell him about everything? Should he listen to his best friend and leave his son to him? Can Junmyeon, at the very least, trust Sehun with his son? These thoughts ran through his mind as he went back to his seat. He held his tears back because he didn’t want to make a scene, not on the special day of two of the most important people in his life.

******

When the wedding ended, the first thing Sehun set out to do is to get to Junmyeon. He would not deny it, he was astounded. It’s not that he didn’t know anything, Minseok, his best friend, has off-handedly told him about Junmyeon having a child, that it was technically his child too which was quite confusing but he didn’t tell Sehun about how much the child resembled him. The child looked so much like him that there was no denying he fathered him. Sehun wanted the ground to swallow him when his eyes met Junmyeon’s earlier that day for the first time after years.

He was a coward then, he admits to that but he’s here now, doesn’t that count? Sehun wanted to know more about the kid. And Minseok has also told him about how Junmyeon needed someone to take care of his, no, their son, so isn’t this the perfect opportunity for him to show Junmyeon that he has changed and he has become a better person now?

Sehun found Junmyeon with their son by the parking lot of the venue. He approached him as casually as possible, trying not to make a scene and not make Junmyeon angry because he knew how hard it would be if he gets on the wrong foot.

“Junmyeon.”

“Sehun.”

“Can we talk?”

“Sure. There’s a café near here. Did you bring a car with you? If not, you can ride with us.”

Sehun heard the hesitation in Junmyeon’s voice and it hurt him. But what hurt him worse is that he knew it was his fault and he couldn’t blame anyone else but himself. Sehun tried not to show it in his face as he opened the door of the car and get into the back seat. The ride to the café was quick but the atmosphere was so heavy and thick that Sehun found it very hard to breathe.

Surprisingly, the café they got into was a kid’s café and there was a small play place where the little kid can have fun while he and Junmyeon talked about what they should have talked about years ago.

As they sat in front of each other, with a cup of coffee in front of Junmyeon and a chocolate bubble tea in front of him, Sehun felt a little nervous. He can’t believe this is actually happening, everything still feels surreal. After everything that happened in the last few years, he’s actually here and Junmyeon in front of him once more, just like all those times before. He felt a familiar sense of déjà vu as he sat there.

“So, what do you want to talk about?”

“The little kid, he’s mine, is he not?”

Junmyeon chuckled bitterly.

“Who else could he be? Have you seen him?”

“Yes, the resemblance is uncanny. What happened, Junmyeon?”

“Are you really asking me that? Shouldn’t I be the one asking that question to you?”, Junmyeon replied, the anger rising up inside of him but he tried his best to hold himself back.

“I can’t really talk about that yet. I’m so sorry.”

Sehun sounded so sincerely sorry that Junmyeon did not say a word back to that and let the issue close on its own.

“I don’t know if you remember our plans 10 years ago.”

\---10 years ago---

Sehun and Junmyeon were lying down on the couch of their apartment cuddling each other. It was a lazy Sunday and they both loved spending it wrapped up with each other. They loved staying inside the house, imagining how they want to spend their future. They have graduated from college two years ago, and both have been working in their respective fields with a stable income.

“Love?”

“Yes, love?”

“In the future, maybe a few years from now, what do you think about adopting a child?”

“A child? Not a pet, but a kid?”

“Yes, silly Sehunnie, a child. Don’t you want a son or a daughter?”

“I don’t know, Junmyeon, will we be ready to be parents then?”

“I’m not saying it’s gonna happen soon, but eventually?”

Sehun closed his eyes as he leaned his back against the couch, the weight of Junmyeon’s head on his lap suddenly feeling a little heavier with the question he just asked him. Sehun tried to imagine a kid in their life and at the moment, it seemed a little far-fetched but knowing how family-oriented Junmyeon is, he answered away.

“Of course, love. I want to do everything together with you and if you want to raise a child together, then I will be there right next to you.”

Junmyeon smiled, appreciating Sehun’s answer.

“Should we adopt? What do you think about going for in vitro? Maybe we can both donate sperm samples and then we’ll give it to them. Then let’s not ask them whose it was because otherwise, the kid would be ours and we’ll raise it together anyway, right?”

Sehun nodded and kissed Junmyeon’s forehead.

Junmyeon purred a bit and intertwined his fingers with Sehun’s.

\------

“I remember that, so what happened then?”

“It’s an understatement but I was devastated when you left and I submitted the papers to the hospital, allowing them to continue with the process.”

Sehun was silent then.

“I know I probably shouldn’t have done that but I was depressed and I was…desperate enough to get anything to have a remnant of you. It was done in the heat of the moment, you can say. And I didn’t know if I can handle it on my own, true enough, knowing the state I was in but when I saw Sejun…when I first held him in my arms, he changed everything in me. He saved me, Sehun. I should have told you then, but I didn’t have a way of contacting you.”

Sehun took a deep breath before talking.

“His name is Sejun?”

“Yes.”

“So, he’s our son?”

“He’s my son, but yes, it seems he’s yours.”

“Junmyeon, I heard you’re going overseas for some time. Who’s going to look after Sejun?”

“I…I don’t know yet.”, Junmyeon said, a bit hesitant to give Sehun a chance to say what he thought Sehun was trying to get at.

“Would you give me a chance to get to know him? Would you leave him with me instead?”

Junmyeon thought about it for a few minutes before he answered.

“It’s just for three months. Would you mind moving into the house instead? I really don’t want to have Sejun needing to adapt to a new environment. I will leave you with all the things that you need to do. But don’t you have work? Will this not interfere with that?”

“I work remotely, so there’s nothing to worry about. When should I come over?”

“I appreciate this, Sehun. But this doesn’t change anything between us. I’m just giving you a chance to get to know him because Jongdae is right. I hate it when he’s right but yes, you do have the right to. My flight is on the other day, I’ll send you an address later so you can come there. I will explain everything to Sejun later.”

“Okay, thank you, Junmyeon, for talking to me and giving me a chance.”

Junmyeon looked at his watch as if wanting to have a way to escape.

“Ah, it’s time for me and Sejun to go, we still have some things I need to do.”

“Alright, I’ll see you both soon.”

When Junmyeon left with their son, Sehun felt a tiny spark of hope light up inside of him. Maybe, just maybe, it’s not too late to fix things up. Sehun knew he messed up badly but he really wanted to get back together with the love of his life that he was stupid enough to leave years ago. He really wanted to redeem himself, to get another chance to have his happy ending.

******

When bedtime came, Junmyeon was torn and didn’t know quite how to explain things to Sejun. He went up to tuck his son in bed and read him his usual bedtime story, Sejun’s favorite: The little prince. He decided to tell him before he starts to read it.

“Sejun?”

“Yes, appa?”

“Appa has something to tell you.”

Sejun looked at him, those big brown eyes staring at him and he inhaled a sharp breath, readying himself for what he was about to say.

“Remember the man we met earlier?”

“The one in the café?”

“Yes, Sejun, that one.”

“What about him, appa?”

“I don’t know how to say this but he’s your appa.”

“Junmyeon-appa? Are you saying you aren’t my---?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. Ah, how do I say this to you, baby? Okay, let me put it this way. When two people have been together for a long time and they love each other very much, at some point, they plan to have a kid and you, you’re the kid that is the product of that.”

“You mean you love that man?”, Sejun asks him.

Junmyeon was taken aback at the question and took a few moments before he answered.

“Yes, I loved him years ago and so, we had you.”

“Okay, appa. But why are you telling me this?”

“Well, do you remember that Junmyeon-appa has to go far away for some time and uncle Jongdae and uncle Minseok are going far away too so I can’t leave you with them?”

“Ahh, so I will stay with that man?”

“Yes, Sejun, his name is Sehun and he will come over here to take care of you. You have school and I really wish I can take you with me but it’s really not possible. I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s okay, appa. You don’t have to worry about Sejun! I’ll be fine and I promise I will behave while you are not here.”

Junmyeon felt like a heavyweight has been lifted. How did he raise such an understanding and bright kid? He was really blessed by the heavens the day that he had Sejun. He smiled and started reading the storybook until his son fell asleep and kissed his forehead before he went out of the room and started getting ready for bed himself.

******

When Junmyeon headed to the airport and Sehun was left with Sejun, he felt like the moment of truth has finally arrived. He has wondered about this a lot of times before, had always thought about how it would go, the first meeting with his son.

“Sejun?”, Sehun called out and found the kid up in his room.

“Ahjussi, we need to talk.”, Sejun said which surprised Sehun a lot.

The kid talked quite eloquently like an adult and it amazed Sehun.

“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

“It’s a man-to-man talk between you and me. You can’t tell Junmyeon-appa about this, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Promise me.”

The little kid stuck his pinky finger out and Sehun smiled before putting out his own pinky finger and sealing the promise.

“Promise.”

“I need you to tell me what your intentions are. I heard from uncle Jongdae that you left my appa years ago, before I even came.”

“Jongdae…that loudmouth….”

“What?”

“Nothing, Sejun. It’s hard for me to say it right now but I want to get to know you. I know I’ve missed some years of your life but I’m hoping it’s not too late yet.”

“Do you still love Junmyeon-appa?”

“A secret between you and me? Yes, I still love your appa. He has always been the one I love. I’ve loved him almost all my life. I guess he’s never told you about me?”

“He hasn’t, he talked about you for the first time yesterday. Now, that we have talked about that. I want to tell you that you should not hurt appa again because if you do, you will make me very angry and you would not want that.”

Sehun chuckled a bit because as much as his son looked like him, he was nothing like him, this kid has everything of Junmyeon. He has Junmyeon’s demeanor, the way he spoke was just like Junmyeon and apparently, so is his temper. But then again, Junmyeon raised him so it only made sense.

“I can’t promise that I would not hurt him again, Sejun but I can promise you that I will do my best not to. Is that okay?”

Sejun only nodded before handing over his favorite book to Sehun. And as if Sehun has done it a million times before, he knew exactly what to do. A few minutes later, he was tucking in the amazing kid in bed and he had his hopes up even higher than before.

******

Three months passed by faster than Junmyeon was expecting and before he knew it he was back home. He is so excited to see Sejun once more. He went straight back home and when he saw Sehun and his son, his heart melted at the sight in front of him.

On the living room floor, Sehun and Sejun were lying down next to each other. Sejun’s small frame was cozying up to Sehun, using Sehun’s arm as his pillow. There were a lot of crayons and toys near them and they both have smiles on their faces.

It struck Junmyeon that this was exactly how he dreamed them up to be all those years before, a happy family. And yet, even if it was what he wanted, it wasn’t what he actually has. Junmyeon wouldn’t deny that he still felt something for Sehun but he was afraid that he would be left again. But seeing how good of a father Sehun was, there’s a part of him that wanted to give it another chance.

He was careful not to wake the two up as he went to his room to put his things back, take a long bath, and think about what he wanted.

******

After a few months of Sehun being present in their lives, the day came when he finally felt ready to tell Junmyeon about what happened years ago and why it came to the point where he left. It seemed to Sehun that it was the only thing that was keeping him from telling Junmyeon how he felt about him so one day, he asked Junmyeon if they can talk. Sejun was at Jongdae’s at that time when the ‘talk’ happened.

They were in one of their favorite places before, a quiet place near the ocean. The wind was blowing hard and Sehun let himself go back to the time before everything happened.

“Junmyeon, I’m ready to tell you about what happened then, will you listen to my side of the story?”

Junmyeon looked at Sehun and nodded at him, a silent understanding between them.

“10 years ago, when you talked to me about having a kid together, I felt nervous about it but because I didn’t want to disappoint you, I went along and told you what I thought you wanted and needed to hear at that time. No, I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to raise a family with you, but back then, I felt that it was too early for that. But since you said that it would not happen for a long time yet, I decided not to worry so much.”

Junmyeon listened to him intently, not interrupting him at all. Sehun saw no judgment in Junmyeon’s eyes and it comforted him in so many ways.

“However, three years after that conversation, you started manifesting these plans we had. And as it started to get more and more real, I freaked out. Yes, I panicked, and I got so scared. I was so scared because I felt that I was just not ready for it. It felt to me that everything was happening in a rush and so I left. I know it was cowardly of me but I didn’t plan on completely leaving you. I didn’t mean to do all that. At first, I just wanted a week to myself, just a few days to think about everything, to think about what I wanted. But my life started to turn upside down. My parents got into a crash, I lost my job, I was devastated and depressed. I couldn’t bring myself to come back to you at that state, I couldn’t come back like a loser who left you and then come back broken and empty-handed. No, I went as far away as possible instead. For months, I was helpless, I was homeless, I lived in the streets.”

Sehun recalls the time when he had nothing to eat and he had to sleep at a park bench in the middle of winter. It was one of the most horrible moments of his life and he promised himself that he would never get back to that.

“Eventually, I get back to my feet. I found a job, got a house, and thought that I’d come back to you, but I couldn’t. I knew how mad you would be at me. I imagined how you must have felt back then and I couldn’t bring myself to come back. It ate me up every single second and then I started drinking. It was so bad that I started having a drinking addiction. Yes, I started solving every problem with alcohol. I was that bad of a mess, Junmyeon, you have all the right to know and you have all the time to judge me for it.”

Junmyeon just looked at him and it urged him to go on.

“But one day, I think it was two years ago, Minseok contacted me. I don’t know how he found my new number or why he thought to do so but he told me that I had a son, that you and I have a son. And that changed everything for me. I began to have a goal, I wanted to see him and you. I started getting my life back on track, I went to a few group sessions to help me with my drinking problems. I told myself that I need to be able to face you and my son properly. And a year ago from now, I have stopped resorting to alcohol every time I was in a hard spot. Since then, I have not picked up the bottle. I’ve been sober for a while now and when Minseok invited me to the wedding and told me about your situation, I thought to myself that it was a chance to talk to you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all of this then but I couldn’t bring myself to.”

Junmyeon’s tears, the one he has been holding back since Sehun had started talking and opening up to him fell on his cheeks. He could no longer hold control of them. His heart broke for him, while Sejun saved his life, Sehun’s fell apart while he was away from them. Junmyeon held Sehun’s hand as he spoke through his tears.

“Sehun…I wish you came back. You knew that I would take you in no matter what, you knew I love you enough to do just that. I imagine all the things you just said and I don’t know what to say. You had it so bad, I didn’t know. I have lived my days hating on you for leaving me and all that time, you were suffering. Oh, Sehun, I’m so sorry.”

“No, Junmyeon, it was my fault, of course, you hated me. I left you without a word, without saying anything, I ghosted you just like that and you have all the rights to hate me as much as you did. I am just sorry that I was such a coward and left you and that I couldn’t come back to raise Sejun with you. Junmyeon, I know this might be out of place but I just have to tell you. I can’t let another moment pass. I still love you, Junmyeon and it might be too over the top but do you think, maybe you can give me another chance of a life with you?”

Junmyeon didn’t reply and Sehun understood what that means. Sehun felt crushed but he knew this was a possibility because what right did he have? But then, Junmyeon spoke.

“Sehunnie, you fool.”, Junmyeon said, tears running down his eyes, and when Sehun heard his old nickname from Junmyeon’s mouth, he didn’t know how to feel.

“Jun…”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t give you a chance, you already have it.”

And Sehun pulled Junmyeon into his arms, not wanting him to see the tears that are running down his own eyes.

******

Sehun rings the doorbell and waits for Junmyeon and Sejun to come out. He was here to pick them up because today, they are going to the amusement park to spend some time together. It has been months since the day Junmyeon agreed to give him a second chance and Sehun was decided not to waste it. He wanted to spend a lot of time with his son and Junmyeon and today is definitely going to be all about that.

As soon as they got to the park, the first thing they did was go to Sejun’s favorite rides. The carousel, the bump cars, the teacups, everything they could have done. They took a lot of photos together and they even bought matching hats. It was just like a family trip and Sehun could not help but feel so happy. Maybe things are going to be just fine and in time, he can finally have everything that he once lost back and have the addition of his son in his life.

While they were walking down the streets of the park, Sejun got tired from all of the activities of the day and Sehun gave him a piggyback ride instead. Junmyeon saw this and just like all the other times before, it warmed his heart. Sehun was such a good father and Junmyeon was quite happy with the way things are going. If you ask him, he would have never imagined that this is going to happen in his life and yet, here it is.

Junmyeon was on the doorframe of Sejun’s room when the scene unfolded before his eyes.

“Sejun, time for you to sleep. Goodnight, Sejun”, Junmyeon heard Sehun say as he tucked the little kid on his bed.

“Goodnight, Sehun-appa.”, Sejun said, his eyes half-closed, already fast asleep.

The moment was all he needed to confirm what was in his mind.

When Sehun came out of the room to say goodbye to him, Junmyeon said it.

“Sehun, there’s no need for you to keep coming back here.”

Sehun was taken aback by what Junmyeon said.

“What? Why? What’s wrong, Junmyeon?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“So, why?”

“I have some spare drawers in my room, Sehunnie.”, Junmyeon said shyly.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Yes. Come move in with us, Sehun.”

“But what about Sejun?”

Junmyeon smiled at the fact that Sehun considered Sejun’s feelings first and foremost.

“I will talk to him.”

“Would you let me talk to him instead?”

Junmyeon only nodded as Sehun pulled him in for a kiss before kissing the top of his head and then saying goodnight.

******

It was a year since Sehun moved in when it happened.

Sehun picked Sejun up from school and on their way home the kid told him that his head was hurting a lot. Sehun drove the car faster and made Sejun lie on the sofa as he got medicine. However, when he came back to the living room, Sejun has fainted. Sehun didn’t know what to do but thankfully, his reflex kicked in, and called an ambulance.

He was so scared on the way to the hospital. As soon as he got there, he called Junmyeon from work to tell him what happened. Junmyeon told him that he will be there in a few minutes and Sehun can only worry about what was happening. Everything was a rush and the doctor told him terms that he could not really understand. He was out of it and he was thankful when Junmyeon came.

“Sehun, what happened?”

“Sejun, on the way home, his head was aching so I bought him home to give him medicine but when I got to him, he fainted.”

“What did the doctors say?”

“They said something about running tests on him and that they will come back. I didn’t really hear anything else but that’s what I understood.”

Junmyeon held Sehun’s hand as they sat down and waited to hear from the doctors.

When the doctor came out, Sehun’s hand was ice cold.

“We found a tumor in his brain. I think that he might need to go into surgery to have it removed. I will tell you more about it when the other results come out so I can give you a proper diagnosis. But for now, it would be good to consider this.”

The doctor left them and Junmyeon could not say a word.

“Junmyeon, it’ll be okay.”

Junmyeon leaned his head on Sehun’s shoulder.

“I want to see him.”

“We’ll see him together as soon as they allow us to, okay?”

After a while, the doctor led them to a room where Sejun was sleeping.

“He’s just sleeping for now but I need to tell you about the problem. Are you the father?”

“I am. Tell me what’s wrong, doctor.”, Junmyeon said.

The doctor said some medical terms that Junmyeon did not really understand until he got into the gist of it and Junmyeon could not fully process what was happening.

_No this is not real. This is not happening. Late-stage brain cancer? No, no, no, not my baby._

“But it’s still curable, right, doctor?”

“I think the best thing that we can do right now is to schedule a surgery and remove the tumor.”

“Schedule it as soon as possible, doctor, please.”

“I can do it tomorrow, you will need to sign some papers and I need to explain to you how the surgery is going to be, will you come with me?”

Sehun was left with Sejun. He stared at the little kid, his son, so little and yet facing something so big. Why does he have to be the one to suffer through this? Why can’t it have been Sehun instead? He’d do everything if he can take this pain from Sejun.

******

“Sehun-appa? What is surgery and what are they going to do to me?”, Sejun asks his father.

Junmyeon’s eyes were already brimming with tears just imagining what his son is going to go through in a few minutes.

“It’s like there’s a rock on your head and they’re just going to take it really quick. You would be sleeping and you would not feel a thing, so you would not have to worry about it, okay, Sejun?”

Sejun smiled at his fathers.

“Then why are you both looking so sad?”

Junmyeon smiles but it does not reach his eyes.

“Appa is just worried for you, baby.”

“I will be fine, appa, don’t worry!”

Junmyeon’s heart ached even more at this.

Before Sejun entered the surgery room, he asked to talk with Sehun and Junmyeon saw them exchanged a pinky promise.

“Sehun, will he be fine?”

“The doctors will do their best and Sejun is a good kid, he will be okay, Jun.”

The two of them held each other outside the operating room. It felt like the longest hours of Sehun’s life and every second that passed by felt like forever.

After what seemed like a very long time, the doctor came out looking glum.

“How is he, doctor?”

“I’m so sorry. We did our best.”, the doctor said solemnly and bowed down.

“No! No! No! This is not happening, this is not true. You can’t tell me that he’s gone. No!”, Junmyeon screamed and trashed. Sehun held him and tried to comfort him even though his own heart is breaking into millions of pieces at the same time.

******

“Today we gather here to send an angel back to heaven. He was taken from us too early, he was too young, but such is the way with life. The life that was given to us is taken at the least expected time and sometimes, we don’t get to live our life fully. Sejun was a bright kid, a loving son, a good student, a kind and pure soul. May he rest in peace.”

The people at the burial threw white roses as they buried the casket down. Junmyeon, at this point, can only stare. He has been an empty shell ever since the day that his son died. On the other hand, Sehun can’t seem to believe what was happening but he had no choice but to accept things because Junmyeon, of all times, needs him now more than ever.

When they went home, Junmyeon locked himself in his room. Sehun decided it’s best to leave him for tonight and slept on the couch. However, when he got to the living room, a flashback of a time he spent with Sejun back then.

\------

Sehun was preparing snacks for Sejun, his favorite cookies when he came to the living room and saw what the kid was drawing.

“Hey, Sejun, what is that?”

“It’s a family picture!”

“That’s interesting, tell me about it.”

“This is Junmyeon-appa”, Sejun says, pointing at a colored sketch of a stick figure that was supposed to be Junmyeon.

“This is me.”, the kid added.

“And the other man beside you?”

“Who do you think it is?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me, Sejun?”

Sejun laughed.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re being stupid. Of course, it’s you, Sehun-appa.”

“Can you say that again?”

“Because you’re being stupid?”

“No, after that.”

“Of course, it’s you, Sehun-appa?”, Sejun stared at him in confusion.

Sehun was almost in tears.

“Sejun, what do you think about me moving in here?”

“You’ll live with me and Junmyeon-appa?”

“Yes, would it be okay with you?”

Instead of answering, Sejun looked at him with his big sparkly eyes and hugged him tightly before smiling at him.

******

After a few months, Junmyeon finally came to his senses. It has been some of the worst months in his life and Sehun stuck with him. Junmyeon realized how bad he has treated Sehun. He remembered now how he kept throwing things at Sehun when all Sehun did was asked him to eat. But he didn’t leave, Junmyeon noted this. Sehun did not leave Junmyeon when he needed him the most. However, Junmyeon already has his mind made up when he went to find Sehun.

He saw Sehun by the kitchen, preparing food for both of them.

“Junmyeon, you’re awake.”

“Sehun, I can’t be with you anymore.”

“You said that before too, it’s okay Junmyeon, I understand. You’re going through a hard time.”

“No, Sehun, you don’t understand. I lost him, I lost the only good thing in my life. He saved me all those years ago. I didn’t tell you, did I? When you left me, I was so ready to give up my life, I wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself but then he came. He came and suddenly my life started to have direction. He came and suddenly I felt like I needed to pull my life together. He saved me, Sehun. He saved me but I couldn’t save him. I was so useless.”

Sehun went to where Junmyeon was and hugged him.

“I know, Junmyeon. I know how hard this must be for you. It’s hard for me too. He was a lovely child, he accepted me fully knowing that I left you when I did back then. He did not judge me but instead, he told me that I shouldn’t hurt you. He loved you Junmyeon, he loved you a lot. And I’m sure, he’s not blaming you for what happened.”

“You make it sound so easy, Sehun, and maybe for you, it is. Maybe for you, it is easy because you weren’t there in the first few years of his life. You weren’t there when he walked the first time when he talked for the first time. You weren’t there but I was. I saw him grow up and now I can’t do that anymore. I need you to go, I can’t be with you anymore.”

“No, I promised I wouldn’t leave you again.”

Sehun held Junmyeon tighter.

“Sehun, don’t you know how hard it is for me to see you?”

“Why?”, Sehun said and immediately regretted doing so as it finally hit him.

“Because you look so much like him. I can’t look at you and not be reminded of what I’ve lost.”, Junmyeon’s voice shattered, the pain so raw that it crushed Sehun’s heart.

“But you need someone with you now, of all times.”, Sehun insisted, knowing it was a losing battle.

“Sehun, please….”, Junmyeon said, almost a whisper against his ears and Sehun let go.

******

It has been two years since the day that Sehun left Junmyeon for the second time around. No, he wasn’t gone but he has not shown his face to Junmyeon ever since then. He watched over him the whole time and now that Junmyeon has been slowly picking up the pieces of his life, Sehun felt reassured. He looked at Junmyeon through the window of the café he is in and saw him smiling while talking with Jongdae and Sehun knew that Junmyeon would be alright. Sehun looked up at the sky and said, “I kept my promise.”

\---Before the surgery---

“Sehun-appa, promise me you will always take care and look after Junmyeon-appa, okay?”, Sejun whispered to Sehun as he was being brought to the operating room.

“I promise. I’ll see you when you get out of there, Sejun. I love you”, Sehun said as he laced his pinky with Sejun’s small pinky.

Sejun smiled at Sehun as he entered the operating room. Sehun looked back at Junmyeon and promised himself that when Sejun gets out of surgery, they are going to his favorite restaurant and he’s going to buy him that toy dinosaur that he has always been talking about, it will be a good birthday present for the young boy that was turning 7 the next day.

What Sehun didn’t know was that it was going to be the last time he will ever see that smile or those sparkling brown eyes.

******


End file.
